I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
