Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
