You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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