genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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