ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
