I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I smell like Dick and happiness
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
