I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
