It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
