he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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