I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize