Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
