Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
