did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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