eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
