This girl is more easily done than said...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
