Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
4 words: hood of his car
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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