She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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