What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
