I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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