Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
