I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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