Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
