Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
