if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
