In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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