Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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