I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
