You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
