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u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
