You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
