Please, let me fuck your mom
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
