you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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