Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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