okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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