why didn't you poke me back
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
