You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
