Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
