I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
