after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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