Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
