You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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