dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
