ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
