Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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