Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
