i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize