You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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