Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
