I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
