I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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