Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
