just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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