I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
