I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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