so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
