yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
