I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
