You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie