What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...