Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.