Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
