so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs