Are we in a gay sports bar?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
