I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
