Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
