Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
