I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she told me i tasted like america
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
