So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
