Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
