ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
