No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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