i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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