So drunk its hurt
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
