by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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