I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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