She announced her abortion via fbk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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