I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
