You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
