then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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