If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
