Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
