My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
