I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
