i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm at about main and main street
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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