She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
