I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
