I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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