i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
