That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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