someone get that fucking seahorse.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
